Dealing with your past Lovers || Types of Exes (Part 2)

 Dealing with your past Lovers during marriage (Part 2)

In our last post we talked about dealing with your past Lovers when you're married. We did an introduction on the topic.

In this post I will be elaborating on the types of Exes you might encounter during your married life.

Read More: Dealing with Your Exes during marriage (Introduction)

TYPES OF EXES

1. THE EX YOU NEVER BROKE UP WITH

There are some exes that are not actually ex because the breakup was not defined. No one told the other person that he/she is no longer interested in the relationship. Maybe some sort of distance or a break in communication could make both of them assume they are no longer together. 

Any married person that has this type of ex ought to find ways to tidy things up (especially if the relationship is very recent) because such exes never really disappear for good. There is high possibility that the ex will just pop out from the blues. Please find a way to officially declare that you're no longer Interested, else, you may be sitting on a time bomb. 

There are few men who hide their marriage from social media because of the ex they never broke up with. 

Dear singles, if you're breaking up any relationship, please speak in clear terms, don't use body language, don't disguise, don't assume anything. 

It is another form of wickedness to just keep quiet and move on without telling the other person. The person you have been dating deserves to know that you're no longer interested. 

Some of the single guys who tell ladies "I don't want anyone to know about us" have exes they didn't break up with. 

I am also aware of some tricky people who would never come out plain for selfish reasons. I used to be like that too. 

Such guys will withdraw all commitment from a relationship without categorically spelling it out to the lady that they are no longer interested. It may be that they have a current "sweet" distraction, so they'll withdraw from their girlfriend to buy themselves time to explore that distraction. By the time they're done (let say they've been away for months), they'll  then go back to the same girl they have abandoned and send her a message like "You just forgot me"...and lies will roll on lies to get their way back so that the relationship will continue where it stopped. 

Some other guys don't announce break up because they want to keep the ex on standby, like spare tire. Anytime the main girlfriend disappoints, they call her to the rescue, especially when there's Sexual urge. 

Anyways, I don't blame such guys, it's the ladies that allow such kind thing I blame. They are the ones agreeing to be fooled.

Not that some ladies too are innocent, some of them have long moved on, but they are into friends with benefits with their ex because he's their surest bet for urgent financial rescue. They will just go, use sex as bait to collect money. They feel "After all, it's the same body I used to give him for free,".

If you have an ex you didn't break up with, whether you're married or single, go and do the right thing now. Don't wait until the bomb explodes. 

2. THE BITTER EX

This is the type of ex that one did not have a soft landing with, probably because the breakup came as a shock and the ex feels he/she has offered too much to be dumped just like that. 

It is one of the most dangerous types of ex. Anyone who has this type of ex already has battles to fight. Such ex may graduate from attacking physically to launching spiritual attacks. 

I have a scar on my left hand that I'm still carrying about till today. It was my ex that stabbed me with broken bottle. She aimed for my chest, just that I got lucky and it landed on my upper arm. Though this particular ex that stabbed me was even the one that dumped me. I begged to come back, she refused. Only for her to return and fight months after finding out that I got into another relationship. I couldn't understand her anger. Like, she doesn't want to marry me and I must not marry another person? Well, it's all in the past now. 

My advice for people who have this type of ex is to keep reasonable distance from them while they guide their territory. 

Read More: 10 Mysterious Prayers To Cut Off Spirit Husband And Wife.

3. THE SITUATIONAL EX

This happens when two people who were truly in love had to break up because of circumstances beyond them. The circumstances of the breakup might have been foggy and impersonal, like maybe it was a right-person-wrong-time type of thing, or it could be as a result of genotype mismatch, refusal of family to approve the relationship and so on. The break up is usually painful. 

Although, this type of relationship usually end on a good note, since the break up is not the fault of any of the duo but both of them must still steer clear from each other. Staying away from such ex does not mean he/she is your enemy, it is not malice, you don't hate the person either.

 The reason you have to stay away is because there is an emotional attachment. You can't keep someone you're emotionally attached to around you, especially when you're already in another relationship or married. If you do this, it will likely end in "friends with benefits" where you always go back to have sex and do other other intimate things with that person. And each time this happens, you'll feel used, because you already know you've reached a dead end. 

Some ladies who have issues of genotype incompatibility, and as a result, have broken up with their partner may keep turning down the advances of other men.

I'm going to tell you the truth ladies, the fastest way to heal is to cut every ties with that person. Accept the reality and move on. Since you can't change the situation, then embrace the hard truth and move on! Put an end to all forms of communication with that person. I understand that it is a difficult path, your fears are valid but sometimes, the hard way is the only way. 

This is why young ones who are starting a new relationship should make important findings before emotions set in.

When I become the president I will make it compulsory for young people planning to go into relationship to introduce themselves like this on the first date "Hello, my name is John and my genotype is AA. What about you?".

4. THE EX YOU ALWAYS GO BACK TO

Here, the man and the lady behaves like Tom and Jerry. They keep breaking up and making up. They fight today, separate and swear never to see each other again. Just give them few months and they are back together and the cycle continues most common among young people.

The advanced and most dangerous form of this type of relationship is when both parties have ended the relationship and have started a new relationship with another person, or even married, but somehow, they keep sneaking back to that ex. 

There are many married people (especially men) in this situation. Somehow, they keep returning to the person they were dating when they were still single. The funny thing is that even if they are asked to choose between their spouse and ex, they will still choose their spouse o. Very confused somebody.

Anyone who has this type of ex is on highway to hell because it can never end well. Even God is not happy with such person. The Bible likened such people to dogs and called them fools. 

Proverbs 26:11 (NKJV) says "AS A DOG RETURNS TO HIS OWN VOMIT, SO A FOOL REPEATS HIS FOLLY."

II Peter 2:22 also talks about it. 

My advise for anyone in this mess is total abstinence from that ex. As in, break EVERY communication link. Flee from that person. Inform your partner about your struggles with that ex and both of you should prayerfully and maturely handle the situation.

Delay is very dangerous, it is either you break up completely from that ex or the ex breaks your marriage/relationship. The choice is yours.

Read More:  Who Is A Bull Husband?

5. THE DOMINEERING EX

This type of ex is most peculiar to men, and they are usually very ruthless.  Although the relationship is no longer existing, the ex still controls his past lover. It could be as bad as not allowing the lady to enter into a new relationship or dictating what happens in the new relationship, or the ex's marriage. 

While most of the domineering exes have something they are using to blackmail their past lover, there are this few other ones that have nothing on their past lover, they are just mad.

Ladies who are victims of such ex are usually secretive. They don't let their current partner into the truth. They sneak to give the ex whatever he wants, whenever he wants, even sex!

If the current lover gets suspicious and asks for clarification, they say things like "You can't understand". They may even dump him if he insists on knowing what is going on. 

I had a personal experience when I was in higher institution. I met this lady that I liked and she liked me too but she was so afraid of her ex. There was a day I told her to put a call through and I was listening to the conversation between her and her ex. 

The guy told the lady that no one can have her except him. The lady insisted that she had moved on but the ex bros said that one is in her pocket. That she's not the one to tell him when she'll move on. The man told the lady that even if any man had paid her pride price, she should go and return the money to the man because he is the one who is in charge of her life. The conversation was long and scary, and I was just a stubborn young boy. 

The most shocking part was that this same man had his wedding with another lady coming up in few months. His wedding invitation was already going round town as of when he was threatening another innocent girl. I couldn't understand that kind of love, he has gone to marry another lady but still insisting that he must not find his ex with another man.

The man knew I was in the picture, during the call, he was like "So it's because of John you're telling me rubbish, you think I don't know? I will finish him, just wait and see". He threatened to kill me and he attempted. But once again, I narrowly escaped, but not without multiple scars.

Someone told me few days ago that he got a job for his fiancee but her ex told her not to accept the job and she didn't. Just imagine! 

In rare cases, a lady can become the domineering ex. It can be a case of blackmail. It can also be that the man is the one who puts himself in that bondage. For instance, if he is the one who keeps going back to her, let's say, because she has matchless sexual prowess and the man cannot say no to the sex. The sex is just too good and he'll do anything to have it.

Some teenage girls (some in their early twenties) are the ones using sex to control people's husbands and fathers. They dictate what happens in the man's home. They tell him what to do and what not to do. They tell him how to treat his wife and children. They are in charge. How ridiculous! 

If you have a domineering ex, my advice for you is to plan with your current partner, set the ex up (like get a voice recording of the ex where he or she is issuing threats or even video) and report the case to the police station.

If it is a case of blackmail, discuss with your current partner, tell him/her the whole truth. Allow your current lover to know what your ex has on you. Both of you should put heads together and reason how to get your freedom. Only that truth will liberate you. You can't continue to live like a puppet. You deserve freedom. 

If you have a domineering ex and you leave it untreated, you will be endangering your life and that of your current lover. Don't underestimate a domineering ex. Obsession is bad. He can waste you, and and run away or even commit suicide. They behave like psychopaths. Please watch your back. 

6. THE STILL-IN-LOVE EX

This is probably the most complicated ex that anyone could possibly encounter. This ex hasn’t moved on, they are still emotionally attached to you, (and maybe the feeling is even mutual).

If you have this kind of ex, you must totally abstain from him/her. Don't keep this kind of ex around in the name of being mature or staying woke. You'll definitely fall into fornication/adultery if you loiter around this kind of ex. 

Keeping contact with the still-in-love ex will not allow you find fulfilment in your current partner. It is a total distraction. Please look away.

7. THE EX YOU HAD SEX WITH

For many young men in relationship, sex is for fun. Unfortunately, it's beyond that for most ladies. They are usually committed to men they had sex with. Except for few ladies who are not living in a brothel but their sexual life is not better than that of a prostitute. 

The ideal thing is to stay away from any ex you had sex with. This type of ex is not your enemy but shouldn't be kept as a friend. If you must keep contact with such ex, it should be once in a blue moon (with the consent of your current partner), and should be with a purpose, not just a chit-chat. 

8. THE EX YOU DIDN'T HAVE SEX WITH

Although there were some emotional attachment, there was no sexual intercourse. 

There are ladies who do not even regard such ex as ex. The only way you become their ex is if there was sex. More reason some guys want to have sex by all means. 

9. THE CLEAN BREAK EX

This ex is usually the ideal ex. Things between you ended nicely. There were no fireworks to celebrate your splitting up, but there was no bad blood, either. You’re not friends, but you’re not enemies. You probably don’t talk all that much but you know that if you did, you’d be on good terms and be kind to one another.

The spark is gone, but you do not harbor resentment for them, and they do not hate you. Your situation is very mature. 

Well, the situation looks good but there's still no need being close to any kind of ex. Ex is ex, your past is gone.